At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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