i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
