I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
