it hurts more in the daytime
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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