I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
