So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
