A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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