how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
