yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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