to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
