yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's rum buckets o'clock
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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