No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
