I must be too annoying 4 u.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
