Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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