Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
