I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
