Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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