If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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