dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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