So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
