Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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