My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
