I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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