I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
