i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
