Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
