I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
