I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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