wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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