I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
