She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i believe in u and ur pee
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
