Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
