I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
