this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
