I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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