Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
