There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
