he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
