well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
