I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
