There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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