he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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