i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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