Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
