And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
