He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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