Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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