I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
