Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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