I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
