when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
