She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
